This isn’t really one of those “I believed in myself and made it” kind of stories. More of the, “I got the living crap kicked out of me but I somehow came out the other end alive!” Kind of stories. I honestly never thought I would graduate college. I didn’t think I had it in me. I thought I would give up somewhere down the line. Well, as of this week I now have a Bachelor of Science in Marketing and a Minor in Business Management.
Can I first walk you through my failures during this experience? Well, to be frank I didn’t do very well in school right out of the gate.
If you remember an old post I did, you know that I also struggled with suicide. Such a horrible horrible horrible horrible thing. I didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t think God loved me. I didn’t think I was capable of anything great.
My first semester went pretty well, other than the slight setback mentioned above, and then my grandfather passed away and I completely failed every single class the next semester. After that, I took a semester off debating if I would go back to school. I mustered up enough courage to go back. However, I lost my good standing with the school and had to plea with a board to let me come back. I did it! They let me in! But… I didn’t do very well and lost my good standing AGAIN.
I. Failed. Again.
But…. This is where a miracle happens.
I didn’t think I could graduate college, but I knew I had to. I knew someway I just had to. I wrote my letter for the board again to let me come back. I don’t remember what was in this letter, but they let me come back. They took a risk and believed I could do it, so ever since then I put my head down and just went for it.
We all know I also went on a mission in the middle of my schooling, came back, and had a sister pass away. From that, I experienced such a hell that I would not be able to put into words. My depression was very intense and I went to a therapist weekly (that was actually really nice! I love that guy). And oh ya, I also was laid off 3 too many times from jobs I really needed to survive. If it wasn’t for my brother and his wife taking me in, I would not be where I am now.
There were nights when I would get on my knees and cry because of mistakes I had made, or failures I experienced. There were times I looked at my schedule and thought, “I will never be able to pass that Finance class.” Or “how will I ever work full-time and take this many credits.”
But… I did it. I made it. I am happy, I love myself, I graduated, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY (just a side note), I love my job, I love my passions…. I made it.
The point I am trying to make is, NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. You are worth so much more than you think and God wants you to succeed. He wants you to be happy, even if you don’t see it now. Had I had an easy college experience, I don’t think I would have the drive that I do now. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I needed that. I needed to know that I can stick with something and come out the other side a winner (a beaten and bruised winner lol, but nonetheless a winner). After having “failed” in so many areas in life, I needed this.
If you are faced with something you just don’t think you can overcome, I beg you to keep trying. Keep knocking on that door until it opens. CHOOSE to live, CHOOSE to love others more, CHOOSE to follow your passions, CHOOSE to not give up.
After my father left our family, my mother showed me exactly how you push through something even if you don’t know how. Even if you don’t think it’s possible. She accomplished the impossible. She showed me the path to get to where I needed to be. She showed me how to fight. She showed me life is worth living, and at the end of the day, it’s all about being around those you love and sharing experiences.
A friend of mine posted something on facebook that said, “Hustle like it’s all on you. Pray like it’s all on God.” My experiences have given me the tools I needed to know I can be great. I intend on being great. I intend on working my hardest to be the person I was meant to be. If you fail… Get up. Never stop getting up.
If you know someone who is struggling, or has come to a difficult time in their life, please send this message their way and tell them how much you love them. You wouldn’t believe how helpful that can be.
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