When I first decided to serve a mission, I found being single to be really really easy. Easier than ever. I mean, I didn’t need anything to work out because I’d be gone for two years.  However, after a while it has all weighed down on me. I have been single for 6 years… And I will be single for two more without any dating AT ALL. Loneliness is something we all deal with, and you know what? It  sucks, and it’s okay to admit that.

To be honest, you know what I want? I wish I had someone special with me. I wish I had someone out there writing me while I’m away, cheering me on. Someone missing me, and wishing for the time to go by faster. I almost did have that. At least, I’d like to hope I almost had that.

You see, not too long ago I met a very special girl who took  my breath away. One of those really special girls that only comes around once in a blue moon. A little part of me thought this was it. I still didn’t know her too well, but I felt like she might be the right kind of girl to stick with it while I’m away. To grow with in this journey that I need to take. To have that fairy-tale story we all want. I also felt selfish for wanting that. To make someone go through that. But honestly, I really wanted it. However, it was not written in my future. I guess It just didn’t seem to be the  right time.

You see, I haven’t talked to this individual in a while. She still may be that one I’m meant for. Our paths may cross again. But… they might not. And that’s alright.  I mean, sure it may be want I really want right now. But it also might not be what  I’m meant for. I would like more than  anything to randomly see a call or text from her, but I need to keep pushing forward in doing what I know is right. Trusting in The Lord, and focusing on my mission.

If she isn’t going to be my future wife, I know she is still out there. Somewhere out there there is a very special girl. The most special. Staring at her ceiling in the night wishing I’d find her. Praying on her knees with tears coming down her eyes asking our Father in heaven where I am.

So, to you my future  wife, I have something to say:

Stay strong, my love. Right now, you may not know me. Right now you may not know if you  will ever find me, but you will. I just have some things I need to take care of  first. Keep your faith. I know it gets hard in the dark, but you have the light inside  you to stay on the true path that will one day lead you into in my arms.  I will do everything I am able to find you. I will do everything I am able to be the man that you need. Right now, I am just not him yet. I do not yet know what it means to love unconditionally, but I will find out as I give myself to the Lord. Every day I will strive to be better man so I may one day live up to the kind of person I need to be to call myself your man. I am no where near perfect, and I know you will not care if  I am. However, I will keep striving to that goal. Please, whatever you do, don’t feel alone. I know the days will get harder and harder without me, but I know you can do it. Even though I am not  yet with  you, our father in heaven will always be there with you. He will be holding your  hand until he is  ready to give it to me. Then, and only then, will I be ready to love you forever.

Remember you can follow me on Instagram on @jaromrocks

*If you want to contact me directly email jhulon16@gmail.com

*Remember to  follow this blog if you want to keep up with my story.

 

 

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6 thoughts on “To Be Alone

  1. You couldn’t have posted this at a more perfect time. I have felt this way for a very long time, and it’s great that someone can finally write out what I have been feeling. I know the Lord has a wonderful plan for each of us, and will put people in our lives at the right moment. Keep striving for that eternal goal. It will come. Thank you for sharing your faith and testimony. You have ALOT of people praying for you. Including myself. keep the faith.

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  2. Hmm, make God the center of your life and anything that’s meant to be in your life will be and anything that’s not meant to be will naturally fall away. I secretly keep hoping that somehow you and my daughter cross paths some day but that’s up to God.

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  3. This is AMAZING! It takes a lot to be so openly vulnerable and honest and I am so very thankful for this. It’s hard seeing all of my friends getting engaged and married and wondering when the same is going to happen to me. You have such great faith and your letter to your future wife was probably one of the sweetest and uplifting things I’ve ever read and is something that I’ll have to keep in mind whenever I get down about being single. Stay strong because you’re going to find the one and she’ll be everything you ever wished for and more!

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