When I first decided to serve a mission, I found being single to be really really easy. Easier than ever. I mean, I didn’t need anything to work out because I’d be gone for two years. However, after a while it has all weighed down on me. I have been single for 6 years… And I will be single for two more without any dating AT ALL. Loneliness is something we all deal with, and you know what? It sucks, and it’s okay to admit that.
To be honest, you know what I want? I wish I had someone special with me. I wish I had someone out there writing me while I’m away, cheering me on. Someone missing me, and wishing for the time to go by faster. I almost did have that. At least, I’d like to hope I almost had that.
You see, not too long ago I met a very special girl who took my breath away. One of those really special girls that only comes around once in a blue moon. A little part of me thought this was it. I still didn’t know her too well, but I felt like she might be the right kind of girl to stick with it while I’m away. To grow with in this journey that I need to take. To have that fairy-tale story we all want. I also felt selfish for wanting that. To make someone go through that. But honestly, I really wanted it. However, it was not written in my future. I guess It just didn’t seem to be the right time.
You see, I haven’t talked to this individual in a while. She still may be that one I’m meant for. Our paths may cross again. But… they might not. And that’s alright. I mean, sure it may be want I really want right now. But it also might not be what I’m meant for. I would like more than anything to randomly see a call or text from her, but I need to keep pushing forward in doing what I know is right. Trusting in The Lord, and focusing on my mission.
If she isn’t going to be my future wife, I know she is still out there. Somewhere out there there is a very special girl. The most special. Staring at her ceiling in the night wishing I’d find her. Praying on her knees with tears coming down her eyes asking our Father in heaven where I am.
So, to you my future wife, I have something to say:
Stay strong, my love. Right now, you may not know me. Right now you may not know if you will ever find me, but you will. I just have some things I need to take care of first. Keep your faith. I know it gets hard in the dark, but you have the light inside you to stay on the true path that will one day lead you into in my arms. I will do everything I am able to find you. I will do everything I am able to be the man that you need. Right now, I am just not him yet. I do not yet know what it means to love unconditionally, but I will find out as I give myself to the Lord. Every day I will strive to be better man so I may one day live up to the kind of person I need to be to call myself your man. I am no where near perfect, and I know you will not care if I am. However, I will keep striving to that goal. Please, whatever you do, don’t feel alone. I know the days will get harder and harder without me, but I know you can do it. Even though I am not yet with you, our father in heaven will always be there with you. He will be holding your hand until he is ready to give it to me. Then, and only then, will I be ready to love you forever.
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